This has been an interesting month and a half around these parts, to say the VERY least. I wish I could say things have been exciting, but they've really been sort of mundane. I finished another semester of school, worked a ton through the holiday, and am now contemplating a month off where I have big plans to try and focus on just being in the moment and not plowing through everything that comes up for the sole purpose of getting to the next step (and the next, and the NEXT, and...). I also changed my anticipated major for when I transfer to "real" college: instead of psychology or sociology I've picked another -ology that's always been of huge interest to me- theology and/or religious studies. I know, I know... the job prospects for theologians aren't exactly in abundance, but I gave it some thought and realized that with a PhD in theology I could teach it at a university, I could write books about my research, I could become a minister if I felt called to do so... I could really do anything I want to if I put my mind to it! I'm pretty excited about this prospect, and I'm getting really anxious to transfer out of the tech. college so I can start taking some good challenging classes on the subject :)!

In other news, Joe and I are still hanging in there with his recovery from the dreaded porn addiction. He was 1 1/2 months into his 90 days of celibacy, however, when he fell off the wagon. I won't get into details here, but it did not involve him actually watching porn (which is a step in the right direction in the grand scheme of things). He told me right away that he'd done it, and I think I handled it really well. I'm proud of him for being so honest, and I'm proud of myself for making the choice not to get all wigged out about slip-ups. That's not to say that I was somewhat disappointed in him because he had been doing so well, but at the same time it's an indicator that while he's been doing really well there's still a lot of work to be done. I got to meet with Joe and his therapist last week, and while it was somewhat heated (I think that Joe's therapist isn't used to working with people who ask a lot of questions rather than just do what's told) it was good because I got some insight and I feel like I know more about what's to be expected, the "grand master plan" for Joe's treatment, and stuff like that. All in all, I think that things will be pretty good for the new year, and I think that this is not only going to make Joe and me closer in the long run (90 days of celibacy aside) but I also think that it will really change the way we interact with everyday things and how we frame them and view them in reference to ourselves. All of this is excellent indeed!

On that note I think I've run out of news. See? I said there was nothing too great to report around here. I'm off for another day of work before having to go to yet ANOTHER in-law holiday gathering (that's actually happening tomorrow, but I haven't really had a break to just decompress from the holiday hubbub). Happy New Year and here's to an amazing 2009!!

I know- there's really nothing new to write about other than the fact that Joe is still doing well holding up his part of the bargain, and I've pretty much resigned myself to knowing that it's ONLY 90 days, and that time will go by quickly if I don't think about it. So I'm just not thinking about it and instead focusing on good, wholesome, quality time when Joe and I get to hang out (which hasn't been too often with the semester winding down and all).

Instead I'm going to write about how I've been hit yet again with the age-old question of "what do I want to do with myself when I'm done with school?" This came about after a well-received journal for my Contemporary American Society class that caused my instructor to speak with me about how she thinks I should consider going into the education field because I have lots of ideas about how to bring about change to the current system and because I have a knack for helping my fellow students get a better grasp on what we're studying through the tutoring I do after class. I gave it some thought, and then a few nights ago my late grandparents Hunter came to me in a dream I was having and spoke some sense to me and when I awoke I realized that I had been closing myself off from considering going into education because there are already so many teachers in my family. So I decided to go into teaching, though it'll be at the college level because I also changed what I want to get my PhD in. I decided for once and for all that I want to have my PhD in religious studies/theology. I chose this because religion is and has always been fascinating to me- from how people come to believe to what people do when they stop believing. I figure I started school so late that I may as well spend my time in school studying something that I find interesting, right?

At any rate, when I was at my mom's house for Thanksgiving (which was cool except for my aunt's German exchange student who was ill and promptly made me get sick too because he used all the good blankets...sorry Michael!) my mom suggested that if teaching doesn't hold it for me, I might want to think about the ministry and doing something like that. This is something that never occurred to me, and I always was under the impression that people were "called" to something like the ministry. But maybe my interest in religion is that calling? I don't really know, but it's definitely something I could see myself doing- though it's have to be Unitarian or something like that because I can't be tied down by all the other conventions :)!

Whatever I decide to do, I know I'll be great. There's no question of that. I just wish it were easier to figure out! Maybe I should just be a career student...

Well, it's been a week since the 90 day celibacy was handed down to Joe via his therapist. Joe's been doing VERY well; no acting out or anything like that, and I'm really proud of him. I'm still at my wit's end because we can't really do any fooling around at all, and that's one of our favorite Sunday traditions. Nevertheless, when February rolls around and the 90 days is up I bet we'll appreciate the tradition and each other even more. I still hate it though; it's kind of poopy really.

AS for myself, things have been pretty good this week. Well, actually Joe and I had a massive argument on Sunday night, but once I had some time to think about it and reflect on things I had a total "aha" moment so I guess even the fight had its rightful place. I just wish it hadn't happened at 10pm on Sunday night when I have to get up at 4:30AM on Monday! At any rate, Joe and I were arguing about how he SAYS he doesn't feel any remorse for any of his behaviors. I believe that he should feel remorse for what his porn use has done to me and to our relationship, and that was what the fight mainly consisted of: two bullheaded people who each believes they were right when really neither was right. I was at my weekly COSA meeting tonight, and it finally clicked with me and now I don't hate it as much as I did. Tonight we talked about Step Three of the twelve steps, which is when you turn your will and whatever over to whatever or whomever you believe in. We also talked about wants and needs and the importance of each, and it occurred to me that Joe and I had our fight because I have this need for him to admit that he was wrong. Not because I believe that he was wrong, but because I want my belief that he was wrong validated. I really don't think anything was wrong- I think he had a "hobby" so to speak that just got really out of control, which led to him developing this porn addiction. But after thinking some more, it dawned on me that I wanted the validation of Joe's wrongs so that I could then feel superior to him and then all would be right with the world. The day after the fight I'd realized too that deep down Joe is sorry for this mess he's caused, but that he's just not "there' yet where he can own it and apologize for it. He's only been in therapy for this specific issue for not even a month, and this is a long process. SO I need to back off and respect the pace at which he's working and just let the universe handle my feelings of anxiety and anger that he's not progressing at the speed I think he should. It's really hard for a Type A like myself to do, but I also know that if I don't I'll just make myself go crazy.

So that's mainly what I wanted to write about today. All in all, the past week hasn't been too bad. I'm getting a lot better at rolling with the good and bad and not letting how the day is going dictate my mood for the entire day. I'm slowly arriving at the conclusion that things will work out, things will get better, and that there's something to learn from this. I'm also learning that despite this weirdness that's happening now, I'm really lucky that i have Joe in my corner just as he's lucky to have me in his.

Thanks for reading :)

So this is sort of an update from my last posting where I was in such a funk. So without any dancing around here it is: It turns out that my husband has admitted that he is addicted to porn. This really doesn't come as too much of a surprise; I've known the entire time we've been together that he's been into porn but I never really thought of it as an addiction. Knowing what I know now, it's obvious that he has had a VERY unhealthy relationship with porn for pretty much his teen and adult life- he's just managed it VERY well. Of course, after I had time to sit with this realization I was hit with a range of emotions- one second I was horribly sad and feeling terrible because I wasn't his "Number One", the next I was pissed off at him for letting this get so out of control, and of course I felt so bad for him that he feels so ashamed and guilty for this and what it's done to me and our relationship.

The good in this is that Joe and I are VERY committed to each other. We said "for better or worse", and we meant it. Also, the fact that I've known about his porn use and his taste in porn the whole time has definitely made this easier to stomach. And of course, all this is happening quite early in our marriage (we've only been married for 7 months) and I think that makes it easier to deal with because if we can get through something like this, anything else that comes up will be gravy.

The bad in this is that I don't like what it's done to me. I've never ever felt like I can't trust Joe, and I've never felt like I can't take him at his word. This whole porn thing has really messed with me in that while I do trust Joe 100%, sometimes I find myself with this horrible urge to start "playing detective" and looking at his email files and internet places he's gone. I NEVER act on this, but sometimes it's so bad it swallows me up and I hate it. When this happens I just try to "be" with the feeling, examine where it's coming from, and then do something else to occupy my brain until the need passes. This is working pretty well, but I wish the "snooping desire" would just not happen at all. I also hate that while the key to Joe and me getting through this is to be 100% open and honest about EVERYTHING, I feel like if he tells me that he's acted out and I show that it hurts my feelings or makes me angry I might cause him to not want to be so open, which doesn't help anything. HE's talked to his therapist about this, and I've talked to mine, but they are both conflicting in what they say so I'm pretty much left to my own devices. This leads me to another thing I hate about this whole recovery thing: Joe has his therapist that he sees every other week. I go to a therapist in my HMO, and if I'm lucky I get to see her once every month. So I'm basically left on my own to navigate through the lands of my conflicted feelings and my emotions and my bad days and good days and whatnot, and I don't think it's fair! I have a pretty solid network of friends who are awesome and have so far been super supportive of me and this whole thing, but I need coping strategies for when it's late at night and my thoughts won't stop and I don't know what to think or feel! I tried going to some support group, but it's just not for me. I need to be able to ask questions and talk about things- not listen to a bunch of stories. But I'll get through it because that's what I do. I just wish it were easier.

The last venting I have to do is with the latest command handed down by Joe's therapist. The man has decreed that Joe must be completely celibate for 90 DAMN DAYS!! That means no making out, no fooling around, no doin' it, no NOTHING!!! It began yesterday, and while the first few weeks will probably be all right the middle part I think may drive both of us insane!

So thanks for reading this, thanks for caring, and thanks for everything.

I've been in a bit of a slump lately... School started (I'm taking 9 credits) and I'm still working pretty darn close to full time, more of the usual laments, I suppose. I've noticed that I've become pretty cerebral as of late, and this has led to much self-reflection. I'm all about self-reflection, but this time it's really f'ed my shit up. I cane to the realization that my whole life I've let my constant need for acceptance along with my deep seated fear of being rejected (thanks mom and dad) color my interactions with virtually everyone, but especially my interactions with people with whom I've shared close, intimate relationships (yes, I realize this is somewhat of an oxymoron because how intimate can the relationship really be if I'm not being my true self). All of this came to a head after I was reading a book that was actually suggested to my husband by his therapist, when I realized that there were times in my and Joe's relationship where I agreed to things that under normal circumstances I would have aggressively not gone along with (no pervs- there was no videotaping or anything groady like that)and the underlying reason I did it was because I really really really liked Joe and I wanted him to really really like me and I thought that surely aligning myself with what I thought his idea of the "perfect" girlfriend (at the time, since now we're married) would be the way to do that.

It later dawned on me that I've done this with virtually every other man I've been involved with, and that this pattern I've established with myself may have something to do with growing up in a household where my parents were basically unavailable (and not there at all after a certain point in time) and that somewhere deep in my psyche there's a little cave where "not good enough" lives, thus explaining why I have no problem tossing what I know to be right and good aside for the sake of having someone maybe like me. After realizing this, I've just been beside myself with yuck because that is SO not who I am or the kind of person I want to be. I mean, why do I care if John Q. On the Street thinks I'm cool? MOre importantly, if I'm so keen on having people like me, why am I such a bitch to total strangers sometimes? And how have I been so un-conscious of everything that I didn't realize this was happening or realize that there was something weird going on before it all imploded last Thursday?

Obviously, I'm spending a lot too much time in my brain! I will say, however, that I've gotten some answers to my questions and I sort of know where some of this crap is living in my psyche. Now that I have all this information I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with it in that I would like to know how to name and acknowledge all this stuff from the past but not let it continue to influence me while I'm on this path to rediscovering and making new friends with my real self. So I decided to see a therapist, which I'm doing on next Friday. I'm excited because I'm really ready to get going on this little side-path of the journey I'm on, but apprehensive because I'm worried the therapist will listen to me for a bit, decide I'm depressed (or whatever), and then refer me to get antidepressants or some such shit like that (which I am TOTALLY against for myself because I know that I don't have "Big D" depression or any of that other stuff). For now, I'm just journaling a lot on paper and meditating, taking lots of long walks, reading some good non-school books, and knowing that there's a lot to be learned from what's happening right now.

So here it is... the middle of August. The summer's practically over, and what do I have to show for it? I had big plans this year- it was to be the "Summer of Sara". Lots of yoga, running, time outdoors exploring, tons of reading... yet none of that really seems to have manifested. So now what? Is there any way to capture what's left? Should I hang it up and turn my focus to the fall (which is my all time FAVORITE time of year)?

I think it all began when my boss decided that the store should have a booth at the Dalai Lama's teachings. When I agreed, I had NO idea it was going to turn into almost three months of solid planning followed by one month of frantically sending all that crap we got back so we wouldn't have these gigantic bills to cover. Mind you, it was a good experience and I learned that I'm a lot more capable of being organized that I tend to give myself credit for, but it was still such a huge time sucker that it (to me, anyway) almost wasn't worth it (we didn't end up doing all that well monetarily either). But as I said, it was still a pretty good learning experience.

I guess my next plan of action is to just see what happens over this next week I have before school starts. I'm having surgery on my wrist on Tuesday to remove this giant cyst that's taken up residence and is making me have some problems, and after that I have a glorious five days off to recover. Obviously the first couple days will be spent in a vicodin-induced haze, but I definitely think that I can still salvage a tiny bit of what "could have been" in the remaining days I have off. So my plan is to spend a LOT of time walking around in the arboretum, read the crap out of all my half-finished books, and do some heavy introspection about stuff that's been weighing on me as of late. Oh- and I'm getting my newest tattoo finished (FINALLY), which I am most pumped about!

So maybe the summer isn't lost after all. Maybe this is a lesson that just because technically I didn't get to do EVERYTHING I wanted to do, I can still do a lot of the things I planned to do. There's also a lesson in there about not worrying about not doing everything you set out to do because it's really no big deal. I'll always have a pile of books to read, and I'll always have time to go out and wander around if I want. I just have to see the opportunities as they come up and take them rather than putting them off.

And with that I'm off to enjoy the late morning on the balcony before I have to go get ready for the day's adventures (mainly work and the Califone show later tonight). Until next time...

I just got done reading an article in our local paper about a guy whose mental health problems have caused him to do a couple of really stupid things. Our online paper has a place where people can post comments, and of course everyone and their brother was calling for the immediate jailing of this individual (the guy in question apparently made a homemade explosive of some sort, put it in a backpack and left the backpack on fire hanging from a tree across the street from the capitol building). While I agree that this guy's actions were potentially dangerous to many people, it could not be more obvious to me that what he needs is mental health intervention and treatment- NOT a stay in the county jail. It's been no secret that I believe that the way we treat the mentally ill in this country is shameful at best. Thanks to the deinstitutionalization movement back in the day (and its super heyday during the Regan era), thousands of mentally ill people were turned out into the streets and basically left to fend for themselves while programs that are/were available to help these people lost more and more funding even though the population of mentally ill just keeps getting bigger. I cannot understand how we can justify treating people like this! Where's the safety net? Where are the facilities that can really help these people and make sure they're at least safe? Oh right. I forgot that we have a war to fund, taxes to cut (for people who don't need it), and don't even get me started on all the asinine little spending things that get attached to bills that come up. But when will this change? When will we wake up from our collective unconscious and realize that there are people- our brothers and sisters- that desperately need help and NO ONE IS HELPING THEM so we should step up and do it?

How come deinstitutionalization was even allowed to happen? I mean, I know why- it all came down to money saving of course. What gets to me though is how we never once considered that this may have been a bad move. It's like we just decided that all was well with the world (especially people in smaller towns -like my hometown- that can't even fathom seeing mentally ill people wandering homeless every day, like I do now) since the problem wasn't staring us all in our faces. It's not well with the world, however, when such a large population of people aren't getting the help they need and deserve. How can we sleep at night knowing that so many of us are turning a blind eye to this problem? It just frustrates me- not just on a compassionate level, but on the budding mental health professional level too. I made the decision to get into the psych/social work programs at the UW (which hopefully I'll be able to transfer into by 2010) because I know that it's my job to do everything I can to help those who can't help themselves. I'm hoping that by the time I get into this type of work things won't be as bad, but I just don't see that if things are allowed to go as they have been.

So what should we do? What can we do? Well, I think the first order of business is to find out what your chosen candidate plans to do about this. Are people going to be allowed to just subsist on the street, or are we going to look at more funding for services? Secondly, I would hook up with NAMI in your area (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) and see if you can help them. Make a donation if you can, or volunteer there if they have anything that you can help with. Finally, hook up with a human service agency and see if there's anything you can do to help them with outreach to homeless and/or mentally ill (or homeless people who are mentally ill). This may not be feasible, but intention is everything when you're trying to get change underway. Oh- and write to your elected officials and tell them you want to see more funding thrown towards helping the mentally ill. We owe it to each other to do this because on the most primal level we all vibrate at the same frequency, which binds us to everyone in some small capacity. They are us and we are them, so helping them will help us and many others too.

I feel like I just rambled a whole lot. That happens when I'm passionate about something, so sorry! Seriously though- do what you can to help the mentally ill. They constantly get the short ebd of the stick, and they often need the longer part. It only takes a few of us to start to make a difference. In the meantime, watch out for me in the future. I'm gonna overhaul the whole system bit by bit until everyone who needs help can get it. I'm not sure how it's going to happen, I'm not even sure I know what to do to get started, but I know it will happen :)! Much peace and love to you all with a big dose of hugs from WI.

No, I didn't actually get to kick it with His Holiness. I wish!! Instead, my store had a booth at the site of His Holiness' 6 days of talks and teachings, and it was all over yesterday at 5:30 pm. Overall, it was a pretty cool experience, despite a rocky start on Saturday. It all started on Thursday, when we packed up a U-Haul full of books, tables, shelves, cards, and all sorts of other stuff that we though people might want to but while they were hanging out in between teaching sessions. On Friday we got to unload and set up our booth at the site, which went surprisingly well (I know my store VERY well, and historically something ALWAYS goes amiss during an event). Saturday was a whole other story.

It all began when I arrived at the site to finish bringing stuff like the cash registers and some stuff we forgot. I got it into the site and was unloading it when the owner of the store (my boss) showed up. Keep in mind that the night before one of my coworkers and I had stayed until almost 8:30 to get everything done and put out so it was ready to go. This same coworker and one of my other employees were working at the booth with me all week, but that day they were going to arrive a little later than me. So the owner shows up and immediately starts wanting me to move a million things around and make a thousand changes, despite the facts that a) I am but ONE person, and b) I was trying to get the shit I'd just brought over situated. My boss, despite holding the title of being a swami, has a ginormous ego and thinks that when he makes a suggestion it must be done IMMEDIATELY. Usually I can keep him in check, but that day I was really focused on getting the freshly arrived things out and then fine-tuning later on. I even suggested to him that if HE wanted something rearranged, HE should feel more than welcome to do so. I was starting to have fantasies of kicking him in the junk when I discovered that our credit card machines weren't working. The company had forgotten to send the wireless cards that were supposed to go with them, and there were no phone jacks anywhere on-site. So I told my boss this so he would know what was going on, not so he would be all stupid about it. He immediately came over and was all up in my grill trying to get the machines to work, even though I showed him on the instruction cards that we were missing this crucial piece of equipment. We had an old-school card swiper on site, but of course in my haste and focus on getting the merchandise I was to bring together, I forgot the carbon sheets for the old school swiper.

It's worth noting here that some calendars were set to arrive that afternoon sometime (because evidently the success of the booth hinged on whether or not we had these calendars), and the plan was for me to drive to the store (I had Joe's car)and pick them up when they arrived. So anyway, my coworkers arrived and we were trying to get things around and moved according to the boss' wishes when my boss called me from his cell phone (he was en route to pick up his 13 year old grandson who was to help us out that weekend but was actually sort of in the way and not any fun to have around at all) to tell me that the calendars had arrived at the store. I was still in the middle of trying to get the merchandise arranged, so I asked if he was going to stop by the store and get them since it was kind of busy. He informed me that he "didn't have time" to stop by (even though HE WAS ALREADY OUT AND ABOUT), and that I had to get them. OK. So I went because I just wanted this to be done. It was hella busy downtown because the lame-o sidewalk sales were happening and there weer people EVERYWHERE. Nevertheless, I got the fucking calendars (which weren't that great and didn't sell that well) and got back to the site but not before I had a massive breakdown in the car in which I fantasized about taking a box cutter and cutting up my boss in to ribbons for being such a gigantic douchebag. I finally collected myself and got the calendars back, only to realize I forgot to grab the carbon thingys for the credit card swiper. Whatever. By that point, I was ready to just throw it in and give my boss the ol' "F.U." and run off to Nepal or India and live my life as a yogi. But I didn't. I was just all "I forgot the slips. We're gonna have to write the numbers down and call it good". ANd we did. Things went pretty smoothly from that point forward (because when things get that shiteous they can only get better), and overall we had a pretty good first day.

The public talk was also that day, and it was excellent. I just love the Dalai Lama, and it's been such a gift to be able to see him twice within a year's time. I was trying to think of any other religious figure that's been able to speak to so many people of different faiths and backgrounds, and I just can't come up with anyone. His message and teachings are just so universal, and going to the talk that Saturday was just what I needed after all the frustrations leading up to it.

There was one other thing I noticed during the week while we were all working at the booth. What might that be? That Americans are basically assholes. Case in point: we were told that we should try and get our booth closed up (all vendors were to do this) 15 minutes before the teachings began so there wouldn't be anyone coming in while His Holiness was speaking. Ok. No problem. I'm all about respect, and we were one of the only non- Tibetan affiliated places there so I wanted to be sure that we conducted ourselves with the highest standards of respect. So we were in the midst of closing up on Thursday because the Tenshug (long life) celebration was taking place and we didn't want to be late, and these obnoxious American women were at the booth. We began covering up the tables, explaining to them that out of respect for the Dalai Lama we were closing up early so there wouldn't be any stragglers coming in during this ceremony (it was the first time that Tenshug has ever been performed in the West). The women acted all put out, some just tossing their potential purchases aside and saying "just forget it then", and it occurred to me that virtually every American customer we had encountered had been kind of jerky. They would just shove their purchases and money at us and interrupt us when we were with other customers, and it really made me ashamed to be American because if these people were being like that with us, I could only imagine how they were treating the Tibetan vendors! And yes, it was predominantly Americans that were doing it- all the foreign customers we had were awesome and so very kind. It was a joy to work with them (even though sometimes the language barrier was a bit difficult). It made me think of that old book "Ugly Americans", and it made me sad that so many of us are so self-absorbed that we can't even be bothered for one second to consider that our needs may not be all that important in the grand scheme of things.

Now for a cool thing before I stop this long-winded blog: As most people who know me are aware, I have been keeping my head shaved to a nice stumpy length for most of the summer because it's cooler and easier when I wear my bike helmet. Well, one of the monks who was in His Holiness' entourage came up to my table and started telling me how he liked my hair, and the we had a whole conversation about the virtues of being bald. It was easily one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me (even cooler than when I got to meet the lead singer of Warrant), and I totally felt like god or whoever had touched me or something equally incredible. It just made me all warm and fuzzy just now thinking about it :)!

So that ends my story about kickin' it with the Dalai Lama. I came away from the teachings with the realization that a lot of the ideas in Tibetan Buddhism mesh with what I've thought and believed for a long time, and also with a lot more knowledge about issues pertaining to the Tibetan community. I'm so grateful I got to do this, and if there's a next time I know I'll be better prepared too :)!

This weekend and into next week I get to kick it with the Dalai Lama!! He's here to do teachings, and my store is having a giant booth at the site of the teachings, which is most exciting! Even more exciting is that I wasn't planning on going to the teachings at all because I'm too broke, but since I'm working at the booth I get to go for free!! Yay! This is going to be a historic event; His Holiness is doing a long life offering, and it's the first time it's even been done in the West. AND I GET TO BE A PART OF IT ALONG WITH OTHER PEOPLE WHO WILL BE VIBRATING AT THE SAME FREQUENCY! Oops. Sorry to get all New-Agey there! Anyway, this is huge, I'm so excited to be a part of it, and I'll post more on the teachings when I have time! Think good thoughts for me and my store so we do well at this event (because preparations for the event pretty much prevented me from having much of a life the past three months)! Peace and love to all!!

Yesterday I was summoned to do my managerial duties because we had a disgruntled customer who seemed to think that she should be the exception to our clearly stated (and posted in about 9 different places as well as being printed prominently on the receipt)"NO REFUNDS-NO EXCEPTIONS" policy. It seems that only 5 minutes before the incident she had purchased a $15.95 card deck for a friend of hers, only to discover that moments before the friend had bought the exact same deck for herself. The woman came in and talked to my assistant (who as much as I love her, is sort of wishy-washy when it comes to disgruntled customers), who then conferred with me and got confirmation that the policy stands. The woman was unsatisfied with this and asked to talk to me. I went and explained the policy to her, showed her where it was posted, showed her on her receipt where it was printed, but she was relentless. She seemed to think that 1) because she had purchased the item a mere 5 minutes earlier she should be entitled to an exception, and 2) because her friend had spent $50 earlier in the store we should at least make an exception to the return policy. Nothing doing. I explained to her that we have never offered refunds as part of our return policy, but that I would be happy to offer her an exchange or a store credit for later use (she said she lived out of state, but I assured her that we can extend the time limit of the store credit). She still wasn't happy. She then wanted to go above me and write a letter to the owner, but I had to tell her that all return issues stop with me (because even if she did wrote the owner of the store, he would just hand it over to me and we'd be back at square one). She hemmed and hawed some more, but then decided that I really didn't care about what she was saying and the points she was trying to make (I really didn't because I hear it at least once every two weeks, but was not letting it show on my face) and then semi-stormed out. I wished her a good day (because I really did hope she ended up having a nice day) and that was that.

Here's my beef: if a policy is clearly stated, why is it that people seem to think that they should always have an exception made for them? Better yet, if someone spends (or claims to spend) a substantial amount of money at a store, why do they think that this entitles them to an exception to policies? We don't do any refunds at my store because we are a small, privately owned business and we would be unable to absorb refunds. We do offer exchanges and store credit, which about 95% of our customers are happy about. But there is that 5% that are just total and utter douchebags who hurl obscenities, heap on abuse, and act like babies when they are told that no, they really aren't that special and thus won't get an exception made. I just don't get it- especially the part about acting like a douchebag. I mean, if you're trying to get your own way and get yourself heard, wouldn't it make more sense to remain calm and at least pretend to be reasonable and not be a total asshole to the person who you're trying to sway? I will say this, no matter how big a jackass some of these customers are, I love to be as nice and sweet to them as possible. After all, they really aren't trying to cause a problem. They just lack the communication skills to deal with frustrating situations effectively. Nevertheless, I do always feel bad for my employees that sometimes have to bear the brunt of some of these people.

At any rate, that's my rant for now. Return issues usually run in 6 month cycles at my store, so I figure I'm good until around Christmastime (which won't be a moment too soon)! Until next time...

Er yes. So. I KNOW I promised myself that I would write every day, but I think that the universe has other things in store for me this summer. Not that this is a bad thing by any means- it just means that my daily writing aspirations are being superseded at the moment. Without further ado...

...an update on a previous post abut my boss and his gf. Man, I CANNOT figure those people out! Shortly after the gf's admission to me that my boss has been being abusive towards her (thankfully, it's been mostly emotional rather than physical abuse- not that one is better than the other by any means, but in my overwhelmed brain it's easier to combat mindfucking rather than physical contact), she came into the store and was talking to me some more about my boss and the sort of stuff he's been doing. It pains me to say it, but it really made me see him in quite a different light while at the same time giving me some insight as to why he's such a douche to other people sometimes. Here's some info that I feel is important to this whole scenario: my boss is a hardcore New Age "player". He's been married at least three times (that I know of), had numerous extramarital affairs (one of which may or may not have involved his current gf in the role of "other woman"), and he has a GINORMOUS ego. I mean, his ego is larger than Gene Simmons' ego, it's that bad. All this while supposedly having attained egoless-ness, enlightenment, whatever! It sounds to me like he also pretty much calls ALL the shots in most of his relationships- or at least, up until his current gf, who's a pretty strong and together woman (I like her a LOT. She's my favorite of all his gf/wife people). So I think a lot of the mindfucking that my boss is doing to his gf is coming from a place of not wanting to lose control and being totally threatened by a strong woman. Not that this justifies his behavior in ANY way, because it certainly does not. Not only that, but the gf has been recently diagnosed with cancer, which I'm sure scares the ever loving hell out of my boss. I mean, he's got this woman whom he loves (I guess) and now she may be taken from him in a manner that isn't easily controlled and I'm sure he's really not used to that and so he's "acting out" against all that too. Again, this doesn't justify AT ALL how he's been treating her as of late, rather, it's just some insight I've gotten from talking with her. All of this information is hurting my brain, which is already being taxed by non-stop Dalai Lama preparations, but I really believe that there's a big lesson to be learned from this not just for my boss and his gf, but also for me. It just sucks that it's playing out in this manner. At the end of my conversation with the gf, I made sure she also had my home number, and we have plans to meet weekly to have coffee and chat. She doesn't have really any other woman friends (she recently relocated out here to be with my boss), and I like her a lot and think we'll be a good team. And now she knows she's not alone with all this nonsense that's been going on, which will hopefully give her some relief and hope. At any rate, I say I can't figure out my boss and her because now they're getting along swimmingly. Maybe they both just like a lot of drama...

In keeping with super new age mode I've been working my butt off in preparation for the Dalai Lama's big visit to Madison that's in a week. My store is having a booth at the site of the teachings, and while I'm excited to be a part of such a huge event I'm already sick of it all. Mostly because of my boss. When he brought up the idea of doing this, I jumped on board because I thought it would be a really cool thing to do to put ourselves "out there" and to share in the love and goodness that always comes with the Dalai Lama when he visits. But my boss is a greedy man, and now this has turned into a fun little thing to do into the Wal-Mart of new age shopping. Seriously, we have invested at least $20,000 into this thing, and every damn day my boss wants still more stuff (I put the kibosh on that this past Thursday though because there's no way we'll be able to get huge quantities of stuff in a week), he wants to mark everything up even higher to make more money (mind you, none of this money will go to the store; it will go straight into his pockets and I'm not even exaggerating about this), and it's just turning into everything that an event like this shouldn't be. Yes, I realize that we're running a business and that the business is there to make money, but I also see my store as a place for people to go when they're trying to figure out their place in the universe, when they're having a hard time asking the universe for support during hard times, and when they're just looking to expand their knowledge of things they normally wouldn't think to read about. I don't want it to turn into a cold, unfeeling, New Age Wal-Mart. But that's exactly what I feel like is going to happen with this booth at the Dalai Lama's teachings. Then again, it might not and I might just be so sick of dealing with all the minutae of getting the event set up that I'm now focusing on worst-case scenarios. I'll post more as it gets closer to the actual event.

In other news, my wogging is going really well. I've added 2 minutes on to each of my 10 minute jogging intervals and cut 2 minutes from my walking intervals. Now I jog or three sets of 12 minutes with walking intervals of 3 minutes in between. I love it a lot, but I'm sick of getting dive-bombed by redwinged blackbirds. Those things are VICIOUS!! And I don't even give a crap about messing with their nests- I'm a vegetarian for crying out loud :)!! Hopefully the nesting season will be done soon- otherwise I'm going to have to start wearing my bike helmet or something! I'm slated to run in my first 5K next month, and I'm totally pumped for it!!

I can't remember if I wrote about this already or not, but I quit the paralegal program I got accepted into at school. I went to orientation, and it sucked the biggest balls known to all humankind. Not only was the program basically set up to teach us to be glorified secretaries, but I also got yelled at for saying "crappy" at orientation. I was mentioning the typing test (which I passed the word count but failed the errors because I kept correcting the grammar and phrasing of what we had to type- I just can't help those things) and asked if if was the death of my potential in the program if I kept doing crappy on my retakes of the typing test. The instructor looked at me and said "Don't ever say that word again." I just looked at her and agreed, all the while thinking that I thought I was doing well by saying crappy instead of what I really wanted to say. It was after I saw the complete inflexibility of the cirriculum that I knew I was not destined for this program. So I called school that afternoon, told them that I hated the paralegal program and got my happy ass back into the liberal arts transfer program where I will get enough credits to transfer to the UW and get a degree in social work while pursuing a PhD in psychology (hopefully researching autism or schizophrenia). Huzzah.

That about wraps up this dispatch from Happy Madison Land. It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day outside, so I'm off to take advantage of it before the storms come in (it IS Wisconsin, after all, storms can pop up in seconds sometimes). Hope everyone had fun celebrating independently and that hte week ahead is beautiful and wonderful!
~namaste~

(in no order)

*why is it so hard to go running when it's humid outside
*why don't I like my in-laws more
*why is it that if we're all one we treat each other like crap sometimes
*why is it so hard not to pass judgment on someone whose behavior you disagree with because you feel like you should know both sides of a story before coming to a decision
*how and when did I become such a tree-hugging, goddess-loving, hippie (not that this is bad, it's just a huge turn from the overspending label-whore I was a few years back)
*if I get to meet the Dalai Lama next month, will I say something stupid like "awesome teachings, your Holiness"
*why is it so hard to make the transition from being ego-ruled to ego-less
*if Super Target is so super, why isn't it open 24 hours
*what is that thing that's making the crazy scary noise in the lagoon on my running path, and should I be worried that it will try and get me
*why can't everyone just love each other and be nice to each other

Now for explanations for my thoughts (these may or may not be amusing, I just have this need to analyze my thoughts sometimes).

1) I think it's hard for me to go running when it's humid because there are lots and lots of mosquitoes and they like to dine on me (despite my OFF Botanicals repellent), I also have asthma which makes breathing when running difficult and breathing while running in humidity nearly impossible, and because I don't like to be that hot. I should just get up super early on humid days and then take a nap later on if I get tired.

2) This is SUCH a bitchy thing to say, but I don't think my in-laws are very smart. They don't read a lot, they don't really know much about current events, and my father-in-law is a weirdo bible-thumper who picks and chooses which parts of the bible apply to him and which apply to others (he once uttered "marriage is between one man and one woman. I saw it in the bible" and I've never looked at him the same- especially because he lives in sin w/ his gf and apparently Jesus and God are all right with that)

3)I think that it's very hard to realize that there's no difference (really) between anyone because we're so defined by stuff that we think makes us better than others. Really, we're all just dudes trying to make our way home; thus, we should think twice before we follow the impulse to tell the panhandler to get a job or make blanket statements about how all homeless people don't want to work.

4)More stuff has come to light in the stormy relationship between my boss and his gf, and the more I learn the more it's hard for me to not think that my boss is a total dildo. Nevertheless, there are two sides to every story. He's not exactly forthcoming with information, but what I have gotten from him has given me some insight as to why he's being such a douchebag right now (I'm not saying it excuses his behavior, but it helps explain it somewhat).

5) I think the huge shift in consciousness I've been experiencing since this winter along with my realization of the nonduality of things has caused the shift to treehugging hippie goddess person. I like it. It works for me, and it makes me feel happy to be so connected to whatever's out there. Life's pretty sweet right now.

6) If I get to meet the Dalai Lama, I'm going to ask if I can give him a hug and I'm going to thank him for being such a light for everyone. He's truly an incredible man, and I'm so lucky and blessed that I can go to his teachings again this year.

7) It's just hard to make the ego be quiet. To pull from the book "Eat, Pray, Love" , it's like the ego is a little kid who keeps yelling until you give it a toy or attention or whatever. SOmetimes you have to say no to that little kid and let it scream, and then eventually it's just quiet because it knows you won't play its games anymore.

8) Ah, if only I had the answers to the mysteries of Super Target. At least they've got the cheapest Boca Burgers in town...

9) I think we might have a Loch Ness monster of sorts in the lagoon, or maybe an alligator that someone had as a pet and then let loose. It could also be a snapping turtle, but I'm not sure if they make noises. Whatever it is, if it decides to show itself to me I hope it happens on the home stretch of my jog and not in the beginning because I heard those snappers can run fast!

10)Again, I think that in general people aren;t nice to each other because we all think we're better than others. This couldn't be farther from the truth, but it's just a difficult concept to digest, I think. To help combat it, I think that every day we should just practice being nice to someone in a situation where there might otherwise be a meltdown. Here's an illustration: Last week I was at Super Target and I got in line behind this woman who had more crap in her cart than I've ever seen. She immediately told me that I should look for a different line because she had so much stuff, and I told her it was no big deal because people usually buy a ton of crap at Target. It's just how stores work. The cashier started ringing up the woman's stuff, and it was honestly the hugest order I've ever seen. Then came the coupons. And the whole time this woman kept apologizing to me, and thanking me for being so cool about it because in the past people have been totally rude to her about it. Now I'd be lying if I said that near the end of the order I wasn't getting a little frustrated. But I also knew that 1) I knew what I was getting into when I took my place in line, 2) that this woman wasn't doing this to be spiteful or anything, she was just being frugal, and 3) my time isn't any more important than anyone else's time so there was no need to get all pissy about things. When the woman was finally done getting her stuff rung up, she thanked me again, and left I believe much happier than she would have had I been snotty or pissy to her. So a little bit of "nice" goes a long way!

And there we have my random wonders and thoughts. Hope whoever's reading this is having a stellar weekend, and remember to try out the little dose of "nice"- it'll change your life and someone else's!
~namaste~

This morning I woke up and decided to head out for a jog. Due to an unfortunate turn of events, I missed Summer Solstice events and found myself yearning for some time alone with Gaia. I headed out on my favorite bike trail, and about 5 minutes into my jog I was lucky enough to come upon a small, spindly-legged fawn just standing there taking everything in. I kept on jogging because I was pacing myself really well and didn't want to get off-track, and I was surprised at how close I actually go to the wee little deer. As I watched it scamper off into the surrounding woods, I found myself so thankful for this little gift. I say this a lot, but it was like a little blessing from Mother Earth (maybe I say it so much because Mother Earth gives us lots of blessings).

I continued on my happy way, thinking about the fawn and thinking about deer. I got to a part on the trail that goes by this big marshy area. I think it's part of a "system" of marshes in the area, but I'm not sure. Anyway, as I was jogging along I happened to look down and saw a beautiful painted turtle sitting in the grass sunning itself. I have no idea how it got so far away from the water; the turtle wasn't that big so it must have been quite a trek for a little time with Surya. Also, as anyone who knows me knows I'm very much into nature/earth/feminine spirituality and seeing this turtle was so powerful for me I can hardly describe it. I looked at the turtle, the turtle looked at me, and I swear it nodded at me! In some indigenous cultures turtles are thought to be incarnations of Great Mother, and it was so cool to see this turtle and feel so connected to everything all at once. This was so huge, mostly because I've been feeling my faith in everything waver since the information that was imparted to me last Friday. This gave me hope that things will work out and that I just need to be.

Anyway, I headed home shortly thereafter and saw the turtle again only this time she'd crossed the path so she was on the same side of the trail as me (again). I don't know what to think of this. I want to believe that she knew I was coming back and wanted to let me know that she was looking out for everyone, but I'm humble enough to know that the gods and goddesses are much too busy for stuff like that :). Or are they?

Either way, it's holy mystical experiences like these that will keep me on the running trail for good!

~namaste~

Today I went for a nice wog (I'm still holding steady at 3-10 min intervals of jogging interspersed w/ 4 -5 min intervals of walking) and I finally was able to let my mind wander and think about stuff that's been on my mind and on the backburner. Here are some highlights:

I recently made the choice to become an almost total vegetarian. I still eat fish occasionally, mainly because I like it and because the health benefits from it are good (especially all those happy Omega-3s) for me and what I'm doing right now. Nevertheless, it's been a really difficult transition because it's SO HARD to find good veggie food around here! Not only that, but Joe and all his family are omnivores. So whenever we go to a family function I'm pretty much left to cobble together something resembling a meal from the various salads and chips that are put out for consumption. Pondering this led me to wonder if it would rude for me to request that some sort of vegetarian food (that's not a mayonnaise-based pasta salad because those get real old) be made available? Would it be more rude to just bring my own food? Would it be too "pretentious vegetarian" to even consider doing either? Luckily it's not like we have a slew of family functions to go to, so there's time to figure out what to do. I just like to know what the parameters of etiquette are for situations like this.

As I continued along my happy way I had some ideas about work. Specifically about how bizarre my boss is sometimes. My boss paid a visit to the store on Friday (his girlfriend's son is doing slave labor for us in the basement until he gets a real job), and he walked through the store and pointed out all this little stuff (like the entrance rugs were grubby, the windows were dirty- it had just rained a huge deluge the night before), the entryways needed to be swept -again, the rain coupled with the sidewalk sweepers contributed hugely to this) and it was just like "Jesus Christ! This is SO not that important when we have this huge Dalai Lama visit coming up and there are tons of customers in the store!". I just don't get where he's coming from. I got to thinking about it yesterday and figured out that 1) my boss, for being supposedly "enlightened" and detached from his ego, is quite manipulative. I also think that he may be weirded out by the fact that I've had that store under control for quite some time and don't really need him to be that involved with the day to day stuff. That has to be weird when you've owned a store for 30+ years. 2) If the only things he can find to complain about are little things like a dirty window and a grubby floor, that must mean that things aren't really that bad because the store's doing well and he can't complain about my staff or the sales (which is always a good thing). 3) Because he still operates so much from his ego, he was kind of "showing off" for his girlfriend's son to show him who was really running the show. After pondering it yesterday and more on my wog, I came to the following conclusions: 1) my boss pointing out the cleaning stuff wasn't him telling me that I was a mess or that I wasn't doing my job. HE was trying to be helpful by pointing out stuff that's important to him as far as the aesthetics of the store. He just didn't communicate it very well. 2) Just because someone is "enlightened" doesn't mean that they aren't human. I'm sure that even the Dalai Lama can be a jackass sometimes if he's having a bad day. This is something that's I'm just now working on reconciling with myself because I've read a few things about these supposed enlightened teachers or gurus who really don't seem to live the kind of lives they teach their students to follow. And while there are some things that aren't reconcilable (like pedophilia or telling obvious and blatant lies to your students), by and large it's not realistic to expect all spiritual leaders and teachers to be infallible because they're still human beings. So the same applies to my boss (who's a Swami and thus somewhat enlightened or something like that). 3) None of this crap is the end of the world. Sometimes shit just gets overlooked and in the big scheme of things it's really not that big a deal so there's really no point in getting all fired up about it. It's been a good way for me to put into practice what I've learned from reading "A New Earth" and "The Four Agreements", and it's also been a good way to teach me that making these sort of life changes in how you perceive yourself and your interactions with others is really quite hard and not to be gone into lightly!

Last but not least, I was thinking about how I really don't want to go to Father's Day festivities at Joe's dad's girlfriend's house. I would much rather spend the day here taking walks, hanging out in the arboretum (though it might be pretty waterlogged), and reading. I mostly don't want to go because the girlfriend's youngest son is there and I really don't care for him all that much. He's loud and rude and just really rubs me the wrong way. Nevertheless, there is probably a lesson to be learned from this as well. Maybe the last time I was around him he was having a bad day or something. So I'm going to leave my assumptions back here at the apartment, put a smile on my face, and focus on having a fun day with everyone. Then I'll make sure to hide out next Sunday :)

When I made it back home form my wog, I was grateful for the sunny day and the fact that I worked through some crap that had been weighing on me. I'm now going to get ready for part 2 of what will hopefully turn out to be an amazing day.

~namaste~

This writing thing is pretty all right. I get to flex my writing muscles (or at least work out the kinks in my hands on the keyboard) and talk about mundane crap whenever I feel like it. Rock on! Anyway, I was just watching a webcast blurb from one of our local channels here in Madison, and there was a story about an apartment complex in a city I think north of there that got flooded. The people all had to get evacuated, but were told they couldn't bring their pets with them to the shelter! WTF is that about? I cannot understand how, in this time of people dressing up their dogs and acting as though the dogs are quasi-children, animals are not allowed in shelters! Full disclosure: I have two cats, I'm a vegetarian, treehugger, and will probably wind up being a cat lady when I'm older and grayer. Having said this, telling someone that they have to leave their beloved pet behind is, to me, like telling someone they have to leave their child behind! I mean, couldn't places that are set up to be shelters have a "pet section" and a "non pet section" (much like the smoking and nonsmoking section of days past)? Yes, I'm aware that some pets aren't well socialized or need more space. My idea isn't without its issues, that's for sure. At the same time, it's not like huge weather and fire disasters are occurring all the time- surely after things settle down here in WI (there are flooded out towns all around Madison, and parts of the interstate and various state highways have been closed since the last bout of crazy-ass rain on Sunday) this is something that could be looked at! I just think that it's sad that we don't recognize animals as being on our level at all. But here's the thing- they totally are. I listened to this NPR show a couple weeks ago about a guy who plays the clarinet with whales. The story was VERY interesting, but what I though was amazing was the fact that when you take the song of a humpback whale and speed it up, it sounds EXACTLY like the song of your regular songbird. This got me thinking about how all living creatures then must vibrate at the same or similar frequencies and that really birds, whales, cats, deer, even people are all connected at that most basic and primal level. Thus, why wouldn't we want to treat animals better and recognize their role not just as potential food (for some) but as our animal brothers and sisters who deserve to be treated as such (especially in the face of disaster)? I think I might be on to something here...

And on that note I just read what I wrote and have determined that I'm just a year of not cutting my hair away from being a damn dirty hippie :). There are worse things, I guess... Until next time!
~namaste~

This weekend we had some pretty huge storms in Wisconsin. They dumped a ton of rain and caused lots of flooding. My street was flooded for a bit; parts of Downtown Madison were also. Today the news talked about the Lake Delton area, which is a pretty touristy area north of Madison. The rains over the weekend caused the lake to flood, causing a sizable chunk of highway to get swept away and taking some vacation homes with it as the lake merged with the nearby Wisconsin River. Nobody was hurt,but the people who love there are lamenting the loss of tourist business there. Here's why this is only a semi-tragedy: Lake Delton is a man-made lake. So while it's sad that these homes are lost and that these businesses and tourist attractions that used the lake as a source of income are now out of business, I believe that there is a very important lesson to be learned from this. That lesson is that we should not manipulate the earth like this. We decided to stick this lake there when there were already beautiful (and naturally occurring) forests and bluffs there. What gets me the most is that the state government is already talking about how they want to start to refill the lake as soon as possible. Crazy, I tell you. It's like no one thinks this is a sign from the earth or anything. I truly believe that all this weather is the earth telling us all that we need to wake the heck up and start taking better care of ourselves, each other, and the planet or things are going to just get worse. I don't want that, I'm pretty sure anyone who suffered through the neverending winter here wants that, and I'm quite sure that the earth is tired of expending all this energy making crazy weather too. Honestly- what's it gonna take to wake people up? Until next time...
~namaste~

It's been raining almost nonstop since last night, and it's showing no signs of stopping. The road is flooded, the power keeps cutting out, and when we have power the satellite keeps getting kicked offline so I can't listen to my favorite 80's station through the TV. Weak. I guess I shouldn't be too irate about it though- it's not like I have any control over it, and I do like the Kali-esque energy of it all. Still though, it's been disgustingly humid and everything in our apt. feels like it could use a good wringing out (Joe and I challenged ourselves to not use the A.C. all summer- we had it on for a bit last night, but not since then). There was a bright spot in this otherwise lame and soggy day though...

I've had to leave my bike at my store for the past few days because it's been too rainy to ride home and Joe and I are apparently too stupid to figure out how to get our bike rack hooked up to his car. Today we got about a 3 hour break from the rain, and I got Joe to drop me off downtown so I could ride my bike home from the store. It was a perfect day for a ride too; it wasn't too hot, and there was a slight breeze. As I rode home I was showered with these little tiny petals from the flowers that are still growing on a lot of the trees around here. It was so cool- like being blessed by Gaia or something. At any rate, it was just what I needed after days of being deprived of my bike and staying cooped up indoors.

It's getting very lightning-y now, and I have a feeling the power is about to go again. That's all from Lake SaraJoeBegone. Hope everyone else is safe, dry, and not too warm!
~nanmaste~

OK. So as anyone who knows Joe and me is aware, we did the Highland Festival 5K run/walk about 2 weeks ago. Joe and I are super competitive and we're both super nerdy; thus, we've been checking the Highland Festival website for days waiting for the results of the race to see how we did over all. The news was pretty kick-ass. I placed third overall in the walk (I got beaten by a 60 year old and an 11 year old, which is pretty awesome) and first for my age group. Joe placed fourth in his; he got beaten by 2 60 year olds and a 50 year old (again this is totally awesome). He placed first in his age group too, though he was also the only walk participant in his age group :). It's still pretty sweet though!

I'm still keeping up with my running training- I figured out that I can run a mile in about 12 minutes, which is down from my usual 15 minutes. It's unfortunate that right now the weather is really against me (it's butt-ass hot and humid with completely unpredictable storms)because I'd really like to use my new shoes some more, but maybe that's a sign that I need to take it easy and not go full-bore into this. Thus, I'm resorting to my vast collection of workout videos for a little cross-training (which is also pretty A-OK).

In a completely off topic subject, it's the anniversary of the death of my friend Allie's dad today. I still remember when she called me right after she got the news- she sounded so sad and I hated that I didn't have a car so I could get to her house so she wouldn't be alone. She's had a pretty tough year, and I hope that today gives her some time to get some clarity and find a little hope and happiness. I didn't know her dad, but I think I would have liked him; he sounds like he was a lot like my Grandpa Hunter, who left his body back in 2005. At any rate, the story that Allie shared with me about her dad that sticks with me the most is this little gem of wisdom: He once told Allie to make sure that she gives everyone a chance. It doesn't matter if you end up not getting along with them, if you end up being best friends, if they share the same ideas and beliefs as you, or if they're someone who on the outside looks like someone you would never in your life take the time to talk to. Just give them a chance. I try to live my life like this every day, though some days are harder than most. Today, however, in honor of my friend and her dad I'll make it a priority and I encourage everyone who reads this to do the same. That and make sure you tell your friends, family, anyone who matters to you how much they mean to you. Life can be very fleeting; it's important to let people know that they matter. Until next time.
~namaste~

I just finished reading an article in freep.com (the Detroit Free Press online paper)that made me laugh in a sacreligious way. It seems that someone stole a big Jesus from the Church of the Messiah in Detroit. The statue was green and heavy; it's believed that the perps thought He was made of copper and wanted to sell him (which, if that doesn't buy you an instant karma ticket to hell, I don't know what will) because that's just what's going on in Detroit and a lot of other cities that are getting hit hard by the country's economic troubles. ANYWAY- Jesus was found a short distance from His original home, but not after the perps had posted an ad for the statue on craigslist and tried to sell Jesus back to the church for $1000 (the church declined; by this time Jesus had been recovered). The funny part of the story came in the last line. The church is going to put Jesus back in His rightful place back on the cross, but with one addition: a sign that says "Jesus is not copper. Do not take Him off the cross." That's the part that made me laugh out loud, mainly because it illustrates the sadness and the funniness of the whole situation. Sadness because people are resorting to steal to get money to live on because the social programs that are supposed to help them can't, and funny because how often does one really come across something like that posted next to a statue of Jesus.

On a totally unrelated note, I'm applying to become a volunteer with the CASA (court appointed special advocate) Program here in Dane County. Basically I would be an advocate for an abused or neglected child and work with the child's family, teachers, social workers, and the juvenile courts to help either keep the child in a more appropriate environment (like foster care) or help keep the child and family working towards staying together instead of having to split them all up. I'm pretty excited about this and I hope my application gets approved because I think I would be an outstanding advocate (and I ultimately want to go into some type of social work in some capacity when I'm all finished with school). I'll keep updating on those developments as they happen...

~namaste~

Here are some things that happened in my brain today (in no particular order)...

1) why does Joe piss the crap out of me and wildly entertain me all at once
2) why do I feel like a big pervert when I'm fondling cucumbers at the store
3) why on earth did I feel compelled to go for a run this evening even though it's hot and humid
4) why do I find religion and peoples' attraction to it so fascinating
5) what did the creepy military plane flying so low over Madison today mean
6) why did I waste an hour and a half seeing a completely stupid movie this afternoon
7) why is it so hard to get ahead when you're doing everything "right"
8) why is it that the people you would least expect to be jerks are often the biggest jerks
9) turtles are cute
10) I wish i was a cat sometimes
11) in a perfect world my laundry would do itself
12) i should make a dentist appointment
13) being vegetarian is really hard to do sometimes
14) I really don't want to go to the DMV tomorrow morning
15) if we're all one, why do we treat each other like total crap sometimes
16) nondualism is the way to go
17) what book should I read next
18) i hope i can ride my bike home tomorrow
19) i hope my employees remembered to bring in the recycling bins today
20) i miss the Big Boy in South Haven, MI

There were other things I'm sure, but these were the ones I remembered most vividly (I LOVE the Big Boy in South Haven)

In other news, one of my favorite professors told me today she was diagnosed recently with breast cancer. She says she's doing all right, but if you read this please send her good thoughts and energy to help her get better. I have an enormous amount of respect for this woman and she's inspired me to keep pursuing psychology even after I finish my paralegal degree.